quarantined ramblings about happiness
a pic of me from better times because I don’t feel like sharing my gremlin looking self with you guys yet. but give me another week and I’ll be there hahaha
Hiiii friends! I’m here again. Finally. After a long absence and pause from life. The longer I stayed away from my keyboard, the harder it’s been to come back. I kept feeling like I needed something really significant to write about and deliver to you, whoever you are that is reading this. But I also kept finding that I just haven’t had the mental capacity to write. I definitely have been feeling like I haven’t had the capability to write anything of value or importance. I have felt exhausted to my core.
This sparked an important question in me which is why do I feel like I need to write something important (what does that even mean?!), in order to actually write and then share it?
Why do I find myself having this strange standard of (the idea of) perfection in my head? Probably something my therapist would have a great explanation for, but in the meantime, I’m just going to say I’m working on it by sharing some “non perfect” ideas and thoughts out into the world and moving right along. So, welcome to the inner thought ramblings of my brain.
I know I’m a little late in sharing this but, things are so crazy right now, right? I have been an emotional rollercoaster lately. Some days feel normal. Some days feel weird. Some days I feel extremely isolated, even though I’m so thankful to live with family right now - who I get to share all of this quiet chaos with.
My goal right now is to share very simple things that make me happy and things I’m grateful for. I’m not going to commit to how often I’m going to share these, because things are weird right now and I may not have something happy or nice to share everyday. Which is totally okay! But when I do, I’m going to do my best to share it because I think we could all use happy little reminders right now.
So, a couple of days ago (because yes I have been half-ass writing this for two days. I know.) I was at work and called a vendor we use closely. I spoke with a guy I had never spoken with before. I introduced myself and asked him, “how are you today?”. A simple question. If I’m being honest, I ask that question so passively and so frequently, that I really don’t even think twice about it.
However, this man answered so honestly, it caught me off guard. He told me how he’s struggling with the uncertainty of things right now. He’s scared. He’s anxious to go get groceries but also needs to get things for himself and his family. We talked for a while - just as two people, not about work or business, but as humans who are struggling separately, yet together, without many answers.
While this was such a simple exchange, I was in tears by the end. This man unexpectedly and I’m sure unintentionally reminded me how simple and easy it is to show compassion for humanity and for me (someone he did not even know - which is really the point here) by just answering a simple question and giving me a sense of connectivity with strangers I hadn’t had in a while. And it warmed me so greatly.
Okay my point is, what a great reminder to show not only the people we’re close to, but also people we don’t even know, compassion and honesty. If the most we can do right now is check in on our friends, family, or coworkers and see how they’re doing, then I think we should all be filling that role, if we’re capable.
This last week reminded me that sometimes joy comes in ways we don’t expect, so keep your mind and eyes open, to surrender to the universe because she is truly so divine. I was reminded how much I need to work on releasing my need to control all the things in my life and how having a simple routine is everything right now.
Some other things that made happy this week which I’m feeling extra grateful for right now, that I want to share are: how grateful I am to have a job still and I’m grateful to have my family to share this bizarre time with. I’m thankful for all the golf card games, morning coffees, and breakfasts at noon with them. I’m grateful for all of the virtual happy hours I’ve had with friends who live far away. I’m grateful for all of my magical friends and all of the people out there sharing kind and supportive words to all of us, for the guided meditations or breath-work online so we can all take a minute and just be, together.
One last thing before we part ways here, I would genuinely love to know, to whoever is reading this, how are you? What’s been going on in your world? I hope you’re holding up and doing okay. What are some ways you found joy today or things you are grateful for with your home routine? And if you haven’t found anything happy or good about what’s going on - I hope you know that is okay. I am sending you all of the love and just know we are all in this together. You are not alone.
P.S. in case you didn’t know, perks of being a wallflower is on netflix now, so if you want to cry together in a netflix party just lmk and I’ll send you a link because that’s how I’m about to spend my afternoon :’)
with love,
Elizabeth x