LEARNING TO RECOGNIZE AND KNOW MY TRUE SELF
Hello you lovelies!! Happy Sunday! It is a B-E-A-UTIFUL day here in Southwest Missouri. We finally got some extremely nice weather. I have been craving some serious sunshine and warmth lately. I just started training for a half marathon and have been doing most of my runs the last month on a treadmill, which is one of my least favorite things to do. I seriously cannot wait until it warms up enough I can go run outside at 5 am everyday without freezing. So I am feeling extra grateful for the warm weather today! Let’s get outside!
Also, you know me and my gratitude practices… before we get into this post, I challenge you to take a minute or two and check in with your body and mind. Let’s consciously breathe in and out on a 5-6 second count.
*If you aren’t up for doing this and want to jump right in, please feel free to scroll past this!*
I suggest getting into a comfortable position. Relax your shoulders and your neck.
Now, breathe in slowwwwwlyyy. 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Hold it at the top for another second.
Now breathe out slowwwwlyyyy. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Okay, I suggest repeating that however many times you’d like until you feel centered and aware of your body and mind.
Now write down, think, or say aloud 3 things you’re grateful for today (idk how adventurous y'all are feeling this morning but if you want to grab a pen and paper, I’m here for it fam). Also let’s add 1 thing we want to do today that will bring us joy, and what we need to do to get that thing done.
Okay, now that we’re all relaxed, breathing, and in a state of awareness, let’s get right to it. I like to start out my writing and/or reading in this state, every time.
Alright friends, I’m just going to jump right in here because, wow I absolutely have to share this and get my feelings into words and out into the universe. I just had an epiphany which led me into an overwhelming burst of emotion, followed by a short cry session (LOL this is normal though tbh). I’d like to add, in case you aren’t aware, we are full swing into Pisces season (hello my fellow emo angel babes), so if there was ever a period of time for me to be ~extra emotional, it’s literally right now.
So, I was mindlessly scrolling instagram earlier this morning, honestly just avoiding getting up to write - which was one of my main goals for this weekend: to write more. I have been planning topics and thoughts and posts so intensely the last week. However, I keep finding myself procrastinating instead of actually working.
So there I was, on instagram, when I saw this post from one of my favorite instagram users, @the.holistic.psychologist (find her on insta!), also known as Dr. Nicole LePera. Her post read as follows:
I am my true self when:
I am in meditation, silence, or stillness
I choose to see the inner child in someone’s behavior
I give freely without expectation
I surrender rather than resist
I tell someone I value + appreciate them
I forgive myself
I choose to allow multiple truths to exist
I witness my own ego without judgement
Her post then was followed by a beautiful caption, which I am not going to get into. If you want to read her words, which I highly recommend, go check her out on instagram or youtube. She’s seriously freaking incredible and loves to share soooo much useful therapy knowledge with the world, for free. Which is what we need more of. Doing more from a pure place of love and passion, because you simply want to educate and enlighten people. That’s really something, I think.
Lately I’ve been struggling with the various roles I play. I mean honestly, I believe I’m a pretty authentic person. Naturally there are various sides to each of us and when I’m doing different things throughout my life and with different people, there are different aspects of Elizabeth that come through. I know this is normal, but stick with me here.
What I’ve been struggling with lately, is that I am trying to remove an entire lifetime of conditioning and habits and I tend to have this issue where I always expect immediate results with whatever it is I’m focusing on. Then I tend to feel a little defeated when this isn’t the reality.
Thanks to social media and modern society for giving the illusion that change happens suddenly because we, as people, typically do not document the journey to our “destination”. But we love to share the results once we get there. Demonstrating how we wanted to make a change, so we did and suddenly we ARE changed. Anyway, my goodness before I get too carried away, I will dive deeply into that another day. I’ll try to focus on the topic at hand today.
Anyway, so for example, I’ve been making some drastic lifestyle changes the last few months. Like training for a half marathon and working hard to get into shape! I didn’t run or workout for about a week and a half while I had the flu, so suddenly I felt like I wasn’t part of the identity I had just had before getting the flu; which is, I am a runner.
Some days or weeks I aim to be completely plant based and eat everything raw vegan and sugar free. Then I will have 3 days where I eat pizza and fall into old unhealthy food habits. Also, I spent months and months last year journaling everyday and so now, naturally, I view myself as a journaler. 2 days ago I picked up my journal and realized I hadn’t written in 3 weeks. I immediately told myself I am not a journaler anymore. In my mind, I can’t have it both ways. I either am, or I am not.
Sometimes I am serious and focused so much on my internal journey and putting my energy into doing my part to heal the world around me. Then I have days where I binge watch Netflix for hours and purposely live on auto pilot because it’s easier than living an intentional, conscious life.
These are light and easy examples I can think of at the moment, but my point here is that we are multifaceted beings. Nothing is black and white. But for some reason, I have had this story in my head, for basically my entire adolescent and adult life (that was placed onto me throughout my life, because remember, WE ARE BORN WITHOUT ALL OF THIS BAGGAGE), that there is one way. You’re this or you’re that. You aren’t a combination of conflicting things. You can’t contradict your own behavior and actions.
Okay let’s go back to Dr. Nicole’s post for a second. Read them all again.
For me, although I related to many of them, number seven did it for me.
I am my true self when I choose to allow multiple truths to exist.
Think about what makes you feel like your truest self. And let that be your truth. It is that easy. I felt a massive release of pressure when I had this epiphany this morning. I realized it’s okay to be both. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to be trying my best. Because the thing is, it’s MY best, not anyone else’s. This makes my reality good enough for me and a reflection of who I am.
Going back to my super simple and light example here, even if it’s something as simple as being an avid journaler, a runner, or a reader/writer. Sometimes life gets crazy, so I didn’t make the time to do it this month. I’m still going to continue to work towards building the habit again. Guess what… I’m still a person who does the thing. Even if I’m not doing it everyday, I’m still doing it. I’m still working towards a future where I do the thing almost everyday. A gentle reminder that change does not happen miraculously in a day, a month, even a year. Undoing years of conditioning can literally take years of un-conditioning your previous conditioning, or reconditioning, however you want to look at it.
This touched my soul.
It’s very simple, really. And it is the reminder I didn’t know I needed yet again, to be kind to myself. A reminder to be kind to others. A reminder to judge myself and others less. We are all humans. We are all one, with tons of layers on top of us all. Layers of judgement, fear, joy, pain, love. On top of every single one of us.
I am going through life figuring out, basically as I go, what my journey is going to look like, learning my soul and therefore my purpose to be here again. Figuring out who I am and what I want to do. It’s a tough road to walk on, that we all will go down, are currently on, or have been down before. If you’ve stuck with me this far, thank you; let this be a reminder to show some love to someone you know who is on it too. And please, please don’t forget to show yourself some too.
All my love,
Elizabeth xx
Living my best life last weekend at Restoration Hardware in Chicago. Omg it was DREAMY