SAYING F*** YOU TO SOCIETAL NORMS AND WHERE I FOUND TRUE LOVE

As this year and decade comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on my life and thinking about the massive shift the collective consciousness is making. Growing up I recall, even from a young age, feeling like there was an expectation for everyone to do the same thing. Finish high school, go to college, graduate in four years, get a job in corporate America and work for the rest of your life until you retire, hoping you have enough money to retire early. I remember hearing constantly about the “hustle and grind” attitude. That type of talk painted a picture in my head of what I assumed my life would look like. I expected endless work, little vacation, and long boring days. I wondered why people glorified this type of living, but I knew even back then, that was something our society valued and essentially how a person would be measured. By their work ethic and ability to fit into this outdated societal norm. 

As I began to grow into my own identity over the decade, I noticed myself struggling to fit into that box I assumed society expected me to fit into. I have never been one who is able to sit down and do one thing. In college, I could not decide on a career path because I deeply feared placing myself into a single box I would never get out of.

With each passing day in my youth, I unknowingly thought my worth was dependent upon how much I committed to being the person in the box. I had a core limiting belief that my worth was equivalent to how much people liked me and approved of the things I did. I was terrified to defy those expectations I had inadvertently placed upon myself; scared that if I did, people wouldn’t like me and in turn, I would have nothing left.

During college, I spiraled into a deep depression. I began to turn to alcohol and drugs to ease my pain. I was existing only to escape from the life I had fallen into, based on what I assumed was expected of me and what I thought I had and needed to do. I remember thinking I didn’t have another option.

I was miserable. 

Then one day, something changed. I was so miserable I had nowhere to turn except within. I began to slowly realize I didn’t actually want any of the things I thought I needed to be what I thought was the best Elizabeth. I learned how much I love traveling, writing, helping people, connecting to others on a deeply personal and emotional level. I used to be made fun of for being this overly outwardly emotional person and that made me ashamed of myself. Until I realized having the deep level of empathy, compassion, and emotional intelligence I have is my superpower. 

I dropped out of college and started working a job I loved that had unusual hours and massive flexibility, allowing me to travel as much as I pleased. 

Because of this shift I thankfully experienced, over the last couple of years I have gotten to truly know myself on the deepest level. I have dived into spirituality and learned about my past lives and inner child wounds. I met my higher self (my soul). I quit using things like alcohol as a means of escapism. I had nothing to escape from anymore, as I have been truly learning to know and love myself and absolutely falling in love with life. Once I separated myself from the expectation of what I thought my life had to be, that I had up until this point allowed myself to try to fit, I realized my happiness and success were relative to my ability to decide my own unique path. I didn’t want to fit into that box so I simply didn't. 

Earlier this year, I survived something terrifying and traumatic. As I faced my death, I saw my life in those moments and I saw what I value the most. Having a career and making good money or being well liked by the majority was irrelevant. No, I saw that the most important thing in my entire life has been love. To love and be loved as greatly as I have is all my soul needs. A weight was lifted off my shoulders. 

When I began to heal from this trauma, I really began to slow down and be still. For the first time in my adult life, I was entirely still and quiet. In this stillness I began to heal a lifetime of pain, suffering, wounds, trauma, anger, and resentment. I poured so much love into myself, my past, even my future which I cannot yet see. 

As I reflect on this past decade of my life, from who I was one, five, and ten years ago, to who I am now, I realize for one of the first times in my life how truly and utterly proud I am.

I really don’t think I’ve ever said this to myself, but I’m so damn proud of myself. I suddenly see myself growing into this woman I am proud of and happy with. As much as I find myself happily giving affirmations to others and genuinely wanting to build up those in my life, but what about hearing that from myself... to myself? I don’t know about you but I don’t do that enough, or ever.

So today I’m taking the time to express gratitude for my journey here. I want to thank the pain and suffering I’ve seen before today; for without, I wouldn’t have realized the importance of letting all of those self expectations go. I thank the woman who has cried ‘too much’ in public, cried for strangers suffering. She is so compassionate and full of love. I thank myself for finally realizing my worth is not dependent upon others’ acceptance or opinion of me. I thank myself for loving harder than I thought I was capable of. For loving life even when it’s tough and ugly. Loving people even when they’re cruel and selfish. I thank myself for taking the time and allowing space to heal. I am so damn thankful for this woman who is me. For being unapologetically bold, emotional, accepting, filled to the brim with love and light, and truly herself. I am proud of me. 

And I mean this from the depth of my being, I’m proud of you, too. You’re here. You’re alive and existing which is so magical and special. I challenge you to tell yourself at least three things that you are proud of yourself for today. I challenge you to give yourself love and space to heal.

Loving others is the easy part, loving ourselves is where we come home. 

So come home with me as we enter this new decade. Here’s to another year of growth and challenge and shifting the paradigm together. 

with so much love, Elizabeth