I Finally Stopped Self Sabotaging My Life

Happy December, friends! I cannot believe we are nearing the end of 2020. I’m so shocked that this year has gone by so fast. It honestly feels like January just happened 5 minutes ago. 

As 2020 rapidly comes to a close, I have spent the last week focusing an almost uncomfortable amount of time reflecting upon life this year. 

I’ve been overwhelmed looking back over the last twelve months and how much hasn’t happened due to covid but also how much has happened. I met my boyfriend and after spending the majority of this year maneuvering through covid times together, we’re now doing long distance while he’s across the world; talk about a huge adjustment. In January I began working in a new (to me) industry with my family which I never anticipated doing, then getting a pretty big promotion, and working another job for fun on the weekends in addition to my full time job. 

A few months ago I hired a life coach and through working with her I have planned the start of a business for next year. 

And most recently, I jumped into a year long wellness/life coaching certification program that includes health and meditation teacher certifications as well. So excited about this program and I can’t wait to dive more into this once it begins. 

What a loaded freaking year. Yet at the same time, I have struggled with feeling extremely stuck and like I’m not doing enough, which is crazy honestly because I’m so busy doing so much. I’ve battled adjusting to life this year, as I’m used to keeping myself busy in a different way, with traveling all the time and having a flexible schedule that up until this year, has always allowed me to do so. It’s been a big change to adapt to being still and keeping myself busy and occupied in a different, new and challenging (good kind of challenging) kind of way.

Recently, through working with my life coach, I’ve been facing some resistance issues I have, which have held me back from a lot in the past. Resistance caused by my fears which have prevented me from, in the past, pursuing and achieving certain goals. 

Transparent belief: a belief in which we operate through, unknowingly, and believe it to be true. Often times this belief can be self sabotaging.

Limiting belief: A subconscious thought that limits your decision making and experiences based on a false narrative about yourself.

Through diving deeper into my fears, in order to identify and change my transparent beliefs and patterns, I’ve uncovered some really negative beliefs I have about myself that are extremely destructive and toxic. And without even realizing it, subconsciously I have projected these into my relationship, jobs, and so many other aspects in my life. Blindly assuming those around me in life mirror my beliefs. I quietly and subconsciously have been telling myself things like that I’m not good enough, I won’t succeed, I am a failure, etc. The list goes on. If you’re like me, then I’m sure you’ve heard that self doubt voice at some point in your life; manipulating you, feeding you doubt, and lies.

But hey, it’s okay. Here I am identifying these patterns and beliefs and working through them. I want to encourage you to do the same because whether you are aware or not, we all have some version of these transparent beliefs that potentially restrict us from reaching success, or our goals.

After looking at my history, examining every time I’ve made a change in my life or have had ideas for business endeavors, projects, etc, I have always stopped myself because I just knew deep down I wouldn’t succeed and I’d rather not try or start so that I wouldn’t even have to fail. In fact, I’m really doing myself a courtesy by preventing the embarrassment of failure… right?

Hell no! That’s the story I’ve been telling myself for years and how I’ve justified not doing those things I truly have wanted to do. If I believe I won’t succeed, why would I bother doing the dang thing?

Let me break that down a little more.

First, I identified the more obvious thing, that I have resistance around starting new things and making changes in my life. So I asked myself where is this resistance coming from? Then, I realized I have a transparent belief that basically consists of me subconsciously telling myself that if I’m not successful in whatever I do, then I have automatically failed. 

As if success is measured by an amount of something? Oh the stories we tell ourselves to keep us in the slow, “safe” and comfort lane.

I truly believed at my core, if I quit or changed paths, then I have failed because I believed that meant I wasn’t good enough to succeed in the original thing I began.

As a sort of self protection mechanism, I have prevented myself from even having the option to succeed based on a fear and belief that I will automatically fail. Where does that overpowering and controlling fear come from? It comes from the belief I have which tells me that I’m not good enough. I believe I am not good enough to succeed. Once that belief was born, it was nearly set that I in fact, would not succeed. What I believe and focus my energy on becomes the reality and experience that I have.

I’ve said this before but let me say that again because the significance of this statement was earth shattering to me:

What we believe, is what we experience. 

It’s not uncommon that many of us go through life with beliefs about ourselves. Some are uplifting and empowering that motivate us to get the things we want, need, and deserve! While others are limiting, which hold us back from meeting our potential, or even attempting to get there. But here’s the thing, every day is an opportunity for awareness and growth. New decisions, new patterns, new behaviors, and new BELIEFS.

There’s no law that says the old self must keep living in the same exact footsteps, over and over and over again. 

Okay but how do you get through that? Figure out if you’re holding yourself back. Are you preventing yourself from doing things you think you could do… perhaps you’re busy telling yourself a story about why you can’t or shouldn’t? If so, figure out what the story is you’re telling yourself and where that story came from. Then you tell yourself a new story. That you can. That you will. That you will succeed. That you ARE successful. Reroute your brain to have new patterns and beliefs. We don’t have to believe the story programmed from our childhood. We can create a new one that holds space for self love, confidence, and success.

I’ve had to tell myself there is no such thing as failure. Sure we make mistakes sometimes and not all things work out the way we want them to, which is life and that’s completely fine. But sometimes it is the journey in which we learn the most from. The path being re-routed to the next. There’s a lot of growth to be had on that road.

So no more thoughts of failure from me. No more self doubt. No more not starting because I don’t think I’m good enough to succeed. I’m telling myself a new story which is that I am freaking successful. I am good enough. I am capable of anything and I can/ will/ AM achieving incredible things I’ve dreamed up for myself.

I wish you lots of love, peace, and acceptance of yourself. I love you and I see you. You are amazing exactly as you are and what you are is good enough.

with lots of love,

Elizabeth xx